Hormones: A tale of happiness, sadness, and all the other emotions

It all started with a book. My friend and colleague had spent the last few years getting diagnosed with PCOS and struggling with all of it's frustrating symptoms. Along her journey she found a book called WomanCode, and recommended it to me. Being the bookworm that I am, I immediately went out and bought a copy.

By the end of the foreword, I was captivated. The author, Alisa Vitti, was diagnosed with PCOS at age 20. Through a ton of research and some smaller life changes, Alisa did the unthinkable: she cured herself of PCOS.

I've never been diagnosed with PCOS, but so many of her experiences resonated with me. How many times had I come to my doctor with a problem, only to be heavily medicated and told that my symptoms would eventually go away? How many times had a felt ashamed of or frustrated by the way that my body was performing - depression, anxiety, low libido, migraines, weight gain? Why had no one ever told me that these things might be connected?

With every word I read, it felt like a little bit of the weight of the world was being lifted off my shoulders. Finally, there was someone out there who shared my experiences and frustrations, who had dedicated her life to finding solutions and who was brave enough to share that knowledge with the world.

Slowly but surely, I began a journey to balance my hormones in hopes of alleviating some of the frustrating symptoms I had been experiencing throughout my life, especially in my 20's.

I started with the 4-day reset cleanse detailed in Chapter 4 of WomanCode. I had attempted a week-long cleanse once before with the goal of losing weight, and failed miserably. But this felt different. I went into it with the intention of cleansing my liver and re-setting my body - weight loss wasn't the focus, and the more I reminded myself of that, the easier it felt to get through it. The first day was painful - with no caffeine, no sugar and portioned meals, I experienced the worst migraine I've ever had and some pretty intesne pizza cravings. But the second day was easier, and by the 4th day I felt lighter, calmer and had more energy. I even lost several pounds!

The next step was clearing out my cabinets. So many of the things we put in and on our bodies and even things we keep around our house can mess with our hormones, and I wanted a "clean slate" - so one by one, I used up the skincare, hair care, cleaning products, and other items around my house that contained less-than-favorable chemicals, and began replacing them with more natural alternatives. I spent countless hours researching the best products, and even recently incorporated essential oils into my life!

And then came the third, and hardest step of all. I went off of birth control.

Back in the early 2000s, doctors were giving out birth control like hotcakes. Acne? Here's some birth control. Period cramps? Take birth control. Most of my friends (including myself) were on the pill long before we were having sex.

Does that sound wierd to you? Well, if you're a woman from my generation, maybe not, because you likely had the same experience. But looking back, it does sound a little strange. The strangest part is that at a time when my body was raging with hormones, I was putting even more into it... on the advice of my doctor.

I've heard many compelling arguments as to why you should go off birth control, even for a short time. But the one that won me over was this: infertility rates for women my age are higher than they've ever been. Think about this: if you've been on birth control fo say, 15 years, your body has basically spent 15 years thinking it's already pregnant. So you come off of birth control, ready to have a baby. And your body's like "WOAH girl, wait a minute! We've been pregnant for 15 frickin' years! I'm done!" And thus begins the long and heartbreaking saga that so many women my age are now experiencing trying to conceive. I know that I want to be a mom someday, and I'm almost 30, so... I didn't want to take any chances.

The first few months were actually okay. My period came back immediately (a good sign for fertility). I gained several pounds within a few weeks of being birth control-free, but I kept working out and reassuring myself my body and hormones just had some reconciling to do. By month 4 though, things started getting a little bit crazy. My skin started doing all sorts of crazy things - breaking out like I had never experienced, oily in some spots, dry and flaky in others. I started experiencing so much fatigue that I lost all motivation to work out. And the emotions... oh lord. It's been a really wild ride. I look back on my teenage years fondly because of the memories, but I would literally give a limb to NOT have to be a teenager again. And it's mostly because of the hormones. I had nearly forgotten what it was like to feel literally every emotion within the span of an hour, and really intensely too.

The good news is that lots of women my age are beginning to see the light when it comes to hormones, and a number of my friends have gone through this same journey before me. So I've had help and encouragement along the way. There have been numerous times in the last couple months especially where I've nearly given up and gone back to my doctor asking for a new dose of horomes, like a relapsing heroin addict. But I've stayed the course, and it's been encouraging to have folks by my side to let me know that it WILL get better.

In the meantime, I've gained a new sense of self that I never had before. I feel more in touch with my body. I feel like I understand who I am better than I ever have. I spent 15 years trying to hide from so many of the things that make me a female human. Embracing those things has opened up a new world for me, and for that I am thankful.

If you haven't read WomanCode, I highly encourage it! You can pick up a copy here. If you have read it or have similar experiences you'd like to share, I'd love to hear about it! Drop me a line using the "Contact Us" link at the bottom of the page, or leave a comment below.